


wallace wells vs immense gayness

by electrosad



Category: Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, Polyamory, mobile is aware wallace is yearning and hes okay with it, no one is cishet this is the hill i will die on, scott is attempting to be better he is i promise, wallace is yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25343677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrosad/pseuds/electrosad
Summary: It's been about one month since Wallace Wells has seen Scott Pilgrim.He's kind of resentful about it.
Relationships: Mobile/Wallace Wells, Ramona Flowers & Wallace Wells, Ramona Flowers/Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers/Scott Pilgrim/Wallace Wells, ramona flowers/scott pilgrim/wallace wells/mobile
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. 29 days, he thinks

It’s almost been a month since Wallace had seen Scott. A little under, he thinks. He didn’t keep track of every time he talked to the dude, he didn’t know that the idiot would go and disappear with Ramona then not talk to him. You let a dude mooch off of you for years and he disappears with some stupid girl.

He shoved his key into the door lock.

Okay, that was mean. And not true. She wasn’t stupid. Especially not compared to Scott. Or in general, actually. 

Pushed open the door.

She was pretty smart,actually. Maybe she liked Scott because he was a dumbass. That’s part of why Wallace liked him.

Threw his coat on the couch.

And saw Scott Pilgrim stumble through the door to his bedroom.

“Oh! Hey dude.” Scott waved. Like he didn’t just stumble into Wallace’s living room after not talking for a month.

Wallace inhaled, ready to scream at him. Young man, I thought you were dead!

“It’s been a bit.” Wasn’t worth it. “Where have you been?”

“Oh, y’know.” he flopped onto the couch, worming around until he was comfortable. Never change, Scott, never change. “Me and Ramona have been working things out. Got a house! It’s going great!”

“And, uh, sorry for not calling. My job- I have a new job, remind me to brag about that later- has me tired all the time.” 

“Good,good. 

How’d you get into my house, Scott?”

Scott jumped up, eyes beaming with that stupid puppy dog look. “Ramona’s been teaching me how to travel in the subspace! I’m like, suuuuper good at it. I only landed two provinces away the first time. I sorta meant to come in through the front door, but it worked, so it's a victory."

“Huh. So, what made you come here now?” Wallace asked,flopping down on the couch.

“I wanted to visit! And I knew you’d be off work soon, and I remember that you said Mobile didn’t get home until later.”

“You mean you don’t like my awesome psychic husband,Scott?” 

“Well…” He awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “I... kiiiinda yelled at him the first time I saw him because I thought he was Gideon. I don’t think he likes me. He gave me a really cold look last time i saw him.” 

Wallace chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, he always has that look. I told you,he’s intense. Super. Intense.” He says,wiggling his eyebrows.

Scott snorted. “I don’t wanna hear about how intense he is.” He checked a watch- he has enough of a short term memory to keep track of time now? - on his wrist. “Oh,shit. I gotta be home in like five minutes, I told Ramona I’d try to make mac and cheese. I’ll uh-” he stands up, already walking towards the door again. “I’ll be back sometime this week, or call, or uh, y’know! Bye, Wallace.” 

“Bye,Scott. Make sure to call me, young man.” 

“Will do!” he says slamming open the door, leading into a black void instead of Wallace’s yard, and jumping through.

Knowing Scott, he probably wouldn’t visit this week. But, hey, he remembered attempting to make dinner. Maybe he’s changed. 

Or maybe he’s just changed with Ramona.


	2. mac and roni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> scott cooka th macaroni. he eata the macaroni

“Scott visited earlier. While you were gone.”

“The twink who tried to kill me that you think is cute?” Mobile replied, shrugging off his coat.

“That one! Knew you’d remember him.” 

“Is that the one you were thinking about asking to date you?”

“...Yeah. Thinking about it. I was, I guess.” Wallace replied, leaning onto Mobile as he sat on the couch. “Before he disappeared for a month. He’s still with Ramona. Still probably straight.” 

“Hm. That sure puts a dent in your plans...But you could always ask him.”

“I don’t think Scott has the amount of brain cells to realize he could date me and Ramona without it being cheating. He’s stupid.” 

“You have an adequate amount of brain cells,dear. Explain it to him if you must." 

"Maybe if he calls back." Wallace replied,closing his eyes as Mobile wrapped his arm around him and kissed his forehead. "Maybe."

"You seem tired. I think you should sleep. He shouldn't call until tomorrow at least,right?"

"I think so. It's early, though." Wallace yawned. "Let's watch something." He grabbed for the remote. 

"Fine,but if you fall asleep I'm not waking you up. You sleep very hard." 

"Don't lie to me,you know you'll wake me up." He smiled,shutting his eyes again. 

"You're right. Only because you're hot,though." Mobile joked.

Scott was a mac and cheese genius. There was a word for being great at food,he thinks. He couldn't quite remember it. He hears a door slam in the living room...just in time. "Ramona! I made mac and cheese."

"A true chef. Did you have to wear an apron to make mac and cheese?"

Scott looked down at the apron,a really tacky one he didn't remember buying with the words 'kiss the cook' and a pixel heart.

"...Yes."

"Okay then." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek,then grabbed a plate to get some macaroni. "Did you talk to Wallace today?"

"Well, I talked to him,but,I, uh...didn't ask him. I had to get back home to cook."

"You took a nap really late and had no time,didn't you?" Ramona asked, taking a bite of macaroni. "This is good." 

Scott sighed. "I did. And thanks,I salted it."

"That's weird,but whatever. And you should ask him soon or else you never will. Invite him and his boyfriend over tomorrow. Talk it out,you know?"

"Yeah,yeah." He shoved macaroni in his mouth. "I just don't wanna ruin things. Because if he thinks it's weird then he's gonna think I'm weird and he won't wanna talk about it or talk to me and then-"

"Scott. Calm down. Your mouth is full of food and you're rambling."

Scott swallowed. "Oh,yeah. Sorry."

"If you don't talk about it eventually you're gonna act weird anyways. You aren't subtle." 

"Probably. I'll call him tomorrow. We can… have dinner? Or something? Is that what adults do when they talk things out? They have...dinner. Right?

Ramona shrugged. "Something like that. Doesn't matter what adults do,just do what you do."

"You sound…what's the word?"

"...Pretentious? Little bit like a middle school teacher?"

Scott shook his head. "No,no,like...uh… poetic! You sounded poetic."

"I think it sounded pretentious." 

"I'm not one hundred percent sure I know what that means,but I'm gonna disagree."

Ramona snorted. "You're a dumbass sometimes. A dumbass who makes some good macaroni."

"I'm good with cheese and not much else." Scott leaned onto the counter. 

"Hey,don't be rude to yourself. You're good at...being cute. And that one video game. And….other. stuff."

"Probably better at compliments than you. Anyways,wanna watch a movie?"

"Eh,sure. Lemme shower first,you pick."

"Hell yeah." Scott grabbed his and Ramona's empty plates and dumped them in the trash. 

"....Those weren't paper,Scott."

"Shit." Scott grabbed the plates out. "I'm so glad that was empty." He instead dumped them in the sink this time. "I'll wash them then set up the movie."

"Sounds good." Ramona stood up and gave Scott another kiss on the cheek. She had to lean down a bit to do that. Scott never understood the whole 'wanting a short girl' thing. She was perfect size for hoodie stealing,he thought as she walked off.

God,he loved Ramona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ravioli


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott's stupid with love. and stupid without love. just generally a bit stupid.

Okay, Scott. Time to be an adult. Time to.... Try to be an adult. Call Wallace, go to work, have dinner with Wallace and Mobile and Ramona, and ask some serious questions. Adultly...Maturely. That was the word. Scott was mature. He had this! He totally had this.  
Scott unflipped his phone. He had this. He got it.  
Dialed the number. He had this. Jesus, God above, please pick up the phone because if you don’t I don’t think i’ll call again-

“Oh,shit. You actually called.”

“Course I did. I wouldn’t just lie about it.” He leaned onto the counter. Ask it already ask it already-

“I didn’t think you’d lie. Thought you’d forget.”

“Uh- yeah, yeah, uh-... You wanna come over for dinner? You and mobile? I’m cooking. You can come over. And. Yeah.”

“You cook now, Scott? Are you still sure you’re Scott Pilgrim?”

“I-” He shoved his face into his hand. “I kinda cook. Like, not anything good, but ramen. And macaroni. Easy stuff. I’m not a chef. I can order so-”

“Scott. Calm down. You don’t even have to make dinner, I could come over and bring something. What time?”

“First of all, i’m cooking. I’m being adultl-...mature. And. Serrrrving my guests?” 

“...You sound like you just got a lecture from your mom,Scott.”

“I’m being an adult! My mom’s an adult. Whatever. And, uh…eight. Around eight.”

“Sounds good. I’ll tell Mobile.” 

“Great, thanks. Uh. Bye.” Scott clicked his phone shut.  
Shit. He didn’t even let Wallace say bye. He ruined that conversation so bad. His face looked like he’d been gently roasted on a fire. 

+2 guts!  
“Huh. Nice.”

+2 awkwardness!

“Not as nice.”

Okay,well. He couldn't focus on that all day,he had other things to do. like get ready for work. …Which he had to be at in ten minutes. He was so glad he showered last night.  
God,his time management was terrible. Not as bad as his people skills, at least.

“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy did i schedule it for Mondayyyyy…” Scott groaned, flopping on the bed.

“Because you have no awareness of anything and just as likely could have asked him on a holiday without realizing?” Ramona replied, sweetly patting him on the head.

“Meannnnn.” He shoved his face further into the pillow. “Mean. Bully.”

“I sure am. Now go change your clothes and shower,you have like, two hours to get ready.” 

“Ehhhhh...I could take a nap, and you could wake me up, and I could take a quick shower.”

“But you’ll sleep too long, and you won’t get up, and you will not take a quick shower and Wallace will have to wait an extra twenty minutes to see you.”

“Eugh. You’re right.” Scott flopped over, falling right on the edge of the bed and hitting his arm on his nightstand. “Owwwww.”

Ramona snorted. “Told you. No awareness.” 

“Mean.” He repeated, sitting up and sulking to the shower.

Scott checked over himself in the mirror. He hadn’t been this concerned about...well, anything, he thinks. Maybe Ramona, but Ramona was...easier? Less expectations. He didn’t already know Ramona for years before everything. Ramona hadn’t seen him be a loser since college. But maybe that’d make it harder? Wallace knew everything about Scott and he still stayed around. Didn’t stop talking to him after he moved out.  
Scott needed to turn his brain off. It was off most of the time,according to everyone else. He didn’t need to worry. Well, maybe he needed to, but it wouldn’t help. 

Five minutes until Wallace and mobile were supposed to be there. He’d gotten dressed, made macaroni (again, it was at least a little better than ramen and he could throw in some garlic bread with it), showered. He was totally gonna nail this. Or screw it.

And now he just. 

Waited. Or something. 

He went to go sit in the living room, where Ramona was reading something with her cat in her lap.  
Knock knock! Ah. Appropriate timing.  
Scott scrambled over to get to the door before Ramona.

“Hi,Scott. Watch out for the cat when you step back.” Mobile greeted.

“Oh-huh-wh- thanks? Hi. welcome to. My house. Hi.”

“Nice introduction,Scott. And- seriously, listen to him. Psychic.” Wallace adds on, wiggling his eyebrows again. 

“Ohhh. right. I...Made macaroni. And garlic bread.” He gestured vaguely back into the room. He took a step back- looking down and realizing Gideon was right behind his feet-, and let them come in.

“Hey Wallace, hey Mobile.You should feel honored, Scott cooked more than ramen for once.” She added, leading them to the kitchen.

“Hey! That isn’t fair, I cooked something last night and it wasn’t ramen. And it was delicious.” He pouted, following them into the kitchen. “And this is gonna be even more delicious.” Scott flashed a triumphant little smile, his anxiety fading for just a few seconds in the glory of his overall decent cooking. The table truly looked like Scott had gotten a few lessons from his mom. Plates lain out, bread in the middle. He plopped macaroni down on each of their plates,then took a seat himself. 

He looked around for a few seconds. Everyone was so quiet. He hated that. Please speak words. No one looked particularly unhappy with his cooking, so that was good at least. Mobile had an odd hint of smugness to his usual bored expression.

“Soooooo. What’s with. The psychic thing. Is it….vegan related?” Was that insensitive? He shouldn’t have said anything. Dear jesus. 

“For personal reasons.” Mobile answered.

“...I see.” Scott shoved more macaroni into his mouth.

"I'm much more talented than Todd. I can actually eat gelato."

"That's...good. Gelato is good." Scott had never eaten gelato. Mobile cocked his eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

“What made you decide to invite us over? Deciding to finally get on with your dreams and elope with me in Quebec?”

He swallowed. “Well. uh.” he looked at Ramona, who nodded at him encouragingly. Just a little bit.

“I. was thinking. If.

Youdwannadatemebutstilldatemobileandimdatingramonaanditisntcheatingandicantthinkoftheword.” 

Mobile snorted. “Knew it.”

Scott froze. Ohhhhhhh no. no no no no no.

“Scott! Holy shit. I thought you were gonna be a pussy and I was gonna have to ask. Hell yes i’ll date you.”

“Oh my god. OH MY GOD! Ramona, i did it- i mean, of course you know I did it you’re right there! I just! Wallace, I love you.

I’m gonna pass out oh my god-”

“You’re such a dumbass, scott.” Ramona sighed,smiling.

“This is good macaroni, by the way.” Wallace smirked. Bastard. 

“Thanks...dear. Honey? Can I call you mushy shit?” He rubbed his face.

“Scott Pilgrim. I have been hitting on you since the day we met. You calling me dear is not too obscene. It’s a little weird though, you never seemed like a pet name guy.”

“You’re right. More of an in the moment thing. Seemed right.” Scott looks around awkwardly. “Uh. love you.” 

“Love you too. Called you being my bitch.” He snarks.

“I called it before you.” Mobile deadpans. 

“HEY! I’m not your bitch.” He pouts. “I’m your...boyfriend.”

“No, no, no. you’re Ramona’s boyfriend. My bitch.”

“Whatever.” 

Ramona laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully i'll actually finish this motherfucker. sure i will


End file.
